Tuesday, 9 July 2013

2. Moving Forward

Their talk in the kitchen escalated a lot more speedily than both had imagined, which resulted in more tears from Nicki before she stormed off to shower and left him to gather all of his things. He was really leaving her. After trying to calm herself down she'd changed into her pyjamas and rejoined him downstairs. Nothing got any better though, especially not when Cameron let Drake know he was waiting outside. Once again in tears Nicki found herself re-living the same discussion as earlier.

"It's too extreme, Nicki. There are other ways of gettin' money but you chose to rent your womb out to this couple's kid. I can't deal with that. I always thought the first baby to be in here would be ours." He smiled small and placed a hand on her abdomen as she gripped his wrists. She knew he was about to walk away and she didn't want to let go.

"Please? I can't do this on my own, Aubrey. I need you." Before she could finish her sentence she felt his hands on her sodden cheeks as he leant down and kissed her head.

"I'll still be here for you, just not with you." He stepped away from her clingy embrace. "I'll see you around."

She couldn't move as the tears began to flow more freely, her heart felt as though it was about to beat right out of her chest as she had to go through the pain of watching him leave. As soon as the door shut she found herself peddling through a million thoughts. Quickly pulling her actions together she tore the door open and ran down the steps, only just reaching him in the building entrance. The cold stone beneath her bare feet was making her shiver and the goosebumps had covered her whole body the minute she left their apartment.

"Aubrey wait!"

"Nicki, go back inside. It's freezin' and you're wearin' next to nothin'."

"I'm not goin' back up there unless you come with me."

"Just go back upstairs, I'll call you tomorrow." He walked away again but she wasn't going to give up as easily as him. She followed him out on to the street, the night air consuming all the warmth within her.

"Don't go."

Those two words hit him the hardest. The very same words he'd heard his Mother utter the night his Father left them and he so desperately never wanted to be that man in a woman's life. Especially not Nicki's, he loved her too much. Standing still in the middle of the sidewalk he felt like he couldn't move.

"Aubrey, please?"


"Don't leave me." Approaching him cautiously she pulled at his hand, making him turn to face her. She looked heart-broken. The tears endlessly running down her flushed cheeks as she stood shivering in her tiny pyjamas. The long pause was excruciating, but finally came to an end when he sighed and began to speak quietly.

"Come on, you're shakin' like a leaf." He gripped her hand tight and pulled her close as they headed back inside. Luckily Cameron got the message when he saw them heading back into the apartment building. He knew he'd never leave her. It wasn't physically possible for him to be away from her. The moment he'd taken her hand securely in his she was a complete wreck, crying uncontrollably. Just the thought of losing him killed her, let alone it actually happening.

"You need to talk to me more." He continued rubbing her back as they lay on the bed. "Let me be a part of your life, y'know? It's not just you against the world, Nic. I'm here too and I wanna be able to help you. I can't do that unless you let me."

"I know, I'm sorry." She was laying on her side snuggled into him, her head on his chest as he caressed her. "I'm just so used to it bein' me. I don't mean to."

"I understand, but from now on we're in these things together. We talk about them first, okay?"

"I promise."

"Good." He kissed her temple again and lay back. "There is one thing I wanna say though."


"If this doesn't work the first time, the pregnancy I mean, you have to promise me that you'll tell the couple you're not doin' it. We'll find another way to get the money." His words filled her head as she tried to contemplate an answer, losing him was definitely not an option and if he said they'd find the money, they would.

"I will...But what happens if I'm already pregnant?" She pulled her head back to look at him worriedly.

"Then I'll stand by you every step of the way. I still don't agree with it and I definitely don't like the idea but I'm gon' be there for you. I always will."


The next couple of weeks or so were difficult in terms of repairing their relationship. Nicki felt as though she was constantly walking on eggshells so as not to inadvertently push him away. The real issue plaguing her mind wasn't that though. The doctor's appointment was still looming ahead and her nerves were running at an all time high, making her even more irritable than usual. Needless to say another argument had erupted like a volcano on this stressful Monday morning, leaving her to attend the doctor's without him.

"I still can't believe your partner isn't with you, Nicki." Olivia looked worried as Nicki sat herself in one of the chairs in the doctor's office.

"He has to work. I'm fine, really." she smiled as best she could considering how nervous she was feeling. Today was the day they were finding out if she was pregnant. Originally Nicki wanted to do a test at home but since this wasn't even her baby or technically her pregnancy she had to abide by Olivia and Mark's wishes.

"If you'll all take a seat. I have the results here." Dr Jessop smiled and sat behind her desk again as she opened the papers. The hopeful eyes of Olivia and Mark watching her every move. Nicki didn't even know what to feel anymore.

"Please, let it be good news." The shake in Mark's voice was obvious.

"You wanna hear?" Just the way she asked let Nicki know that it was good news for them and her heart sank almost immediately. "You're pregnant, congratulations." Olivia began crying almost immediately as Mark just held her hand.

"Ms. Maraj?"

"Hm?" She snapped back into the moment once the news buried its way into her head. "Oh, yeah. Sorry I'm just....A lil' overwhelmed I guess." She breathed out and tried to smile as the happy couple looked at her worriedly.

"Would you like some water?"

"Please." Without hesitation Mark moved over to the dispenser and handed her cup of cool water as she tried to come to terms with everything.

"You're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." She sipped some more water and attempted to ignore their concerned gazes.

"Okay, well we'll arrange for a scan and everything else today and that way it's all sorted. Of course with the procedure we used there is a higher possibility that you could fall pregnant with twins or triplets." Dr Jessop kept changing her view between the three of them. None of these words were helping Nicki's fear.

"So what'll happen then?"

"You mean with the possibility of a multiple birth?" They both nodded as Nicki's eyes widened. "Well obviously that's something you'd have to discuss with Ms. Maraj but that may not happen yet, so let's cross that bridge if we encounter it." With another smile she sifted through more paperwork as Nicki's mind went blank.

The rest of the appointment was a complete blur in all honesty. Not even one moment could be recalled from her memory. That is only the moment she found out she was pregnant. Facing Drake was a terrifying thought, so she took herself to a Starbucks close by to try and plan what she would say. She didn't even get five minutes of solid thinking time before her phone started ringing. It was him.

"Hey, how'd things go?" He spoke the instant she answered, the anticipation was clear in his voice.

"I'ont even know what to say, Aubrey." Hearing him sigh on the other end didn't ease her mind any. "Please say somethin'?" It was still quiet. "Aubrey."

"I guess we knew there was a fifty percent chance that things would go this way."

"You're disappointed."

"I'm not gonna lie. I am disappointed, Nic. I didn't want this, any of this."

"Look, I'm not about to have this conversation over the phone. I'm on my home now, you gonna be there?" She stood up and grabbed her things whilst walking towards the subway.

"Stay where you are, I'll come get'chu."

"Okay." She paused, contemplating her next words. "I love you."

"Love you too."

He was the first to hang up. Leaving her with a mind full of worry, which she hated. Heading back inside she took her seat at the table she was sat at and waited as patiently as she could. Thoughts were soon swirling around her head as she looked down at herself. She was carrying someone else's baby.


"Is that everythin'?" He glanced back at her as he pushed the shopping cart and she read the list. They were headed towards the checkout.

"I think so." Checking the back of the paper she folded it up and put it back in her purse. "It was just those vitamins she was most bothered about."

"And we got everythin' we needed too?"

"Yeah." She sighed and began helping him put their shopping onto the conveyor belt. He hadn't even spoke about her day. He'd acknowledged it and asked how she was, but that was it.

"They payin' for all this stuff, right?"

"The money they're givin' us is coverin' this kinda stuff, Aubrey. Yes."

"Good." He remained surly.

"Look." She turned around quickly. "I don't know what's up with you now, but I'm not gonna put up with the fucking attitude, Drake. Put your face straight." She threw the money down on the counter and walked off back to the car. He already knew it was going to be a long night.

The car ride home was just as prickly and he couldn't have been more happy when they parked up and headed back to their apartment. She'd had an overwhelming day and wasn't about to spend the evening trying to make sure his feelings weren't hurt. It was like she'd already said. She needed his support.

"You done sulking now?" He rested on the door frame and watched her clean her makeup off.

"Excuse me?"

"I said-"

"Yeah, I know what you said Aubrey." Looking at him through the mirror she kept wiping her face with a purpose. "And I wasn't the one sportin' a sour face all afternoon. Why you acting like this?"

"Like what?"

"This!" She threw the Johnson's makeup wipe in the bin. "Like none of this is even happening." She paused and headed back through to the bedroom with him following. "I'm pregnant, Aubrey, whether you like it or not. It's done." Grabbing her night moisturiser she began massaging it into the skin on her face.

"I don't understand how you expect me to be happy about this, Nic." He frowned with confusion.

"I never asked you to be happy about it. I just want to not feel like you're a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. You told me you were gonna be here for me and support me."

"And I am. How many times have I said that already?"

"Saying it and showing it are two completely different things, Aubrey!" She placed her moisturiser back down and pulled her pyjamas out. "If this is how you're gonna be for the next nine months then you can just leave. This isn't about me and what I want anymore, it's about Cai and his health." Emphasising the last of her sentence she dressed into her night clothes and ripped the covers back before climbing in. There was no more words spoken as he followed her lead and joined her under the sheets. He was trying to remain calm so as to avoid an argument. He was tired of fighting without resolving anything and so was she.

"I meant it when I said I was gon' be here for you. But you gotta understand how I'm feelin'."

"Well maybe if you tell me how you're feelin', I can try to understand." Her voice was softer than before as she turned to face him in the dark.

"I'm angry."

"Why are you angry?"

"I'm angry that you never even bothered to discuss all this with me beforehand. You just rushed on in there and said you'd do it." Grasping at her hand lovingly he scanned her eyes and waited for a furious response but he didn't get one.

"I'm sorry. I should have talked to you first."

"I understand that you're doin' it for Cai, but you didn't even consider other ways of gettin' the money."

"I know." She sighed and watched their linked hands as he smoothed his finger affectionately over the skin on her hand. "I guess I just jumped at the opportunity. It was like all that money was just bein' handed to me on a plate. I couldn't say no."

"I can understand that."

"What else?"

"What else am I feelin'?" He looked directly at her as she nodded. "I guess I might be feelin' a lil' possessive as well." He smirked. "Y'know, you're my girl and you got some other dude's seed in there. It ain't right."

"It's another bitch's egg too though." She smiled a little. "It has nothing to do with me, I'm just carrying it."

"I know but it's all that psychological shit. In my mind, you're pregnant with another man's child." He looked down briefly. "The only kids that get to stay in there should be mine."

"And they will be." She moved in slowly and kissed him. "When the time is right for us."

"I'm scared it ain't gon' be the same though."

"Why?" She scanned his face worriedly.

"'Cause you will have already experienced all this, with another baby. A baby that isn't even ours."

"I promise you, I will hold every moment of our pregnancy close to my heart. It'll be new to both of us." Rubbing her hand on his cheek gently she smiled. Her heart felt at ease when he returned the gesture but deep down she knew this was going to test their relationship more than anything else.


*Okay, I know it's suuuuper short but I need to see just how many people are still reading this :) It will get more interesting...hopefully!! Thanks for all the comments on the first chapter and I hope this was alright :) ALSO if you want something in particular updating just say which fic if/when you comment :)*

Thursday, 21 March 2013

1. Willing To Risk

*Hey guys, this is just something that I had written up a while ago during one of my breaks at uni lol I know I'm finishing up my fics but I figured I may as well get this one out of my system too :) It'll only be short. I hope it's alright.*

"Do not walk out that door, Onika!"

"Or what, Drake? You'll leave me?" She let go of the handle and moved back towards him. "We have no other choice! Why can't you see that?!" Shaking her head she shut here eyes and sighed.

"There is always another choice, Nicki. Don't start bullshittin' me with all that!"

"My family need me more than anything right now. My brother, Drake. This is his life we're talking about here!"

"I'll find the money, I swear. But I'm not gon' stand here and let'chu go through with this."

"Well, you're gonna have to 'cause I'm really doin' this to save Cai's life, Aubrey." She kept her eyes locked on to his. He could see the tears welling up. "And there's nothin' you can say or do that'll change my mind." Hitching her purse back over her shoulder she inhaled shakily and went for the door, only to stop when she felt his warm hand around her arm.

"Nicki, please? I'm beggin' you. Don't do this."

"I have to, for him." She sniffled and pulled her arm away from him. "I'll see you later."

"If you walk out now, I'm not gon' be here when you get back."

"What?" Her face wrinkled with upset and confusion.

"I mean it, Nic. If you go to that appointment, I'm walkin' out. I can't deal with this." He stepped back and ran his hand over his head. He looked as though he was really struggling to control his emotions. He never expected her to walk out of the door, but the sound of it slamming followed by her feet hitting the snowy stone steps gave him his answer.

Her tedious journey to this planned appointment was long and solitary. The winter weather bringing her mood down even more. At least she had a little time on her subway ride to gather herself and appear as a solid and stable individual for this meeting. Lord knows, it was their last option. Securing her wooly hat back on her long-haired head she hitched her purse over her shoulder when she reached her stop. Thankfully she only had a relatively short walk to this building, holding her breath anxiously as she entered. The room was pretty easy to find and she let herself in noting that she was almost ten minutes late.

"Oh, Nicki you made it!" Olivia embraced her in an instant as she shrugged out of her winter coat and scarf. "We were worried, we thought you weren't going to show up." Shyly looking back at her husband Mark, he grasped her hand reassuringly.

"I kept tellin' her you'd be here, but did she listen?" He laughed heartily and smiled at his wife as she shook her head.

"I would never leave you hangin'. You know I wouldn't." She gave them a tired and unconvincing smile.

"I know, I'm sorry I don't mean to doubt you it's just this is a huge thing for us and we're eternally  grateful."

"I know you are." She grasped Olivia's other hand sweetly. "You have nothing to worry about, I'm positive about this." The happy couple exchanged a relief-filled glance before a woman entered the office.

"Oh, we're all here? Perfect." Sitting down at her desk she waited for the three of them to take a seat. "Okay, so I gather you all know the ins and outs of what'll happen here today?" She watched them all nod and smiled. "Great, let's get this show on the road then."


"Drake?" She called out as she entered their apartment. Walking through the building entrance downstairs brought back bitter memories of their argument that morning. Everything he said had hit her hard but she didn't actually believe he'd walk out on her. "Aubrey?" There was no response again as she placed her keys on the kitchen counter. She couldn't see any of his things around and began to believe he really had left her.

"So, you really went through with it?"

"Holy shit, Aubrey!" Jumping suddenly at his voice she turned to stare at him. "You scared me."

"I know I said I wasn't gonna be around, I'm just waitin' for someone to come pick me up. I'm leavin' soon as they get here."

"What? Brey no." She tried to walk over to him but he held his hand up.

"I meant what I said, Nicki. If you really went through with it today then I'm leavin'." There was silence for a few seconds. "Did you do it?"

"I did it for my brother, Aubrey! We need that money!"

"There are other ways of gettin' money, Onika! Carryin' someone else's child is a huge deal! I can't believe you actually carried through with this! After everythin' I said to you!" He shook his head as she rolled her eyes angrily, trying to ignore her own tears. "So, I guess it's in there right now is it?" His eyes trailed down to her small midsection hidden by her overly baggy pink kitted sweatshirt.

"We don't know yet, we have to wait and see." Her voice was quiet and timid. How did things come to this? Part of her wanted to believe the fact that there were other ways of finding the money but when this opportunity was basically served up to her on a silver platter she couldn't refuse. Without this money, they sacrificed losing Micaiah.

"Y'know you're gonna gave to carry that thing for nine months?" He stepped closer to her. "Feel it kick for the first time?" Another step closer. "Give birth to him or her?"

"Aubrey, stop."

"No, Nicki. This is all stuff you shoulda been prepared to hear before you went through with this! You're gonna be givin' birth to a baby that isn't even ours, but that doesn't matter because you'll have grown with it, loved it and prepared for it." He stopped talking so loudly when he saw her eyes filling with tears as she avoided his gaze. "And for what? For a few thousand dollars? You're prepared to hand over a newborn baby for that?"

"It's not like that, Brey. You're makin' it sound so sick and twisted when it's not!" She pushed past him to grab some kitchen roll to wipe her tear-filled face. "I'm giving this couple the most precious thing a person could ask for. Something they can't do on their own. They need me, Aubrey just like Cai needs me too. This is his only chance."